Is the Christmas number one dead??

There have been some brilliant Christmas number ones in the past, hits from legends such as Queen, Human League and The Beatles but I think I’m safe to say (yet not proud to say) that the Noughties Christmas hits have been a paragon for what I can only describe as music designed to induce depression and/or mental instability. I reckon that the general public would be pushed to name more than two Christmas number ones from the Noughties that weren’t produced by the X factor, which has made the Christmas number one somewhat of a farce. So in order to refresh your memories let me take you on a retrospective tour through the dregs of what our society apparently deems suitable to represent us, musically, as a nation at this festive time of year. To start off the new millennium in style we have Men Behaving Badly actor Neil Morrissey as the voice of imaginatively titled Children’s favourite, Bob the Builder. Bob’s catchy number one hit ‘Can We Fix It’ begged the question ‘surely this is a fix’?? Bob and his chums Dizzy, Muck and Scoop managed to beat off runners up Ireland’s answer to Boys to men; Westlife for the top spot in the year 2000. From one annoying little man to another with 2001’s Christmas tune from Stoke-On-Trent’s most famous UFO obsessed fruit loop Robbie, bizarrely accompanied by Aussie actress Nicole Kidman. The duo attempted a cover of Frank Sinatra’s appropriately named Somethin’ Stupid, the result being cheesier than Miley Cirus wearing a Gouda onsie. 2002 brought about the first in a trend of number ones from the multitude of reality pop shows that have sullied our music industry since their inception. Admittedly Girls Aloud are the exception to the rule and ‘Sound of the Underground’ was in fact a great pop tune showcasing our nations sweetheart Chezza as a tracksuit wearing jordie chav (says it all really.) 2003 brought us number one Gary Jules’ cover of Tear’s For Fears’ Mad World only to be knocked off the top spot after three weeks by pop idol’s biggest winner (literally not metaphorically), you guessed it; Michelle McManus. 2004 dredged up bad memories of a wizened, smelly looking Bob Geldoff and Saint Bono with Band Aid 20. ‘Do They Know its Christmas?’ featured pop ‘legends’ such as Dido, Joss stone, the Beddingfield siblings as well as, can you believe it, yes; Busted!!! Wowzers! However what can’t be faulted was that the money raised went to staving children in Darfur, so at least someone was happy with the collaboration. I must have been abroad for the entirety of the winter season of 2005 as I have never herd of the track that reached Christmas number one, never the less it was Shane Ward with ‘That’s My Goal’ sounds like a winner! Surprisingly enough after a little research I found out that this Shane Ward is, shockingly, in fact an x-factorite. The last four years the Christmas top spots have been commandeered by X-Factor production line stars such as Leona, Leon and Alexandra proving that Simon (my trousers are so high up my arse I can use the zipper as a peep hole) Cowel has complete control over the charts. Simon makes gosh darn sure that his soulless manufactured pop protégés are safely at number one and that his pockets are sufficiently lined in time for the New Year. In an attempt to not veer off on an anti X Factor tangent I at least attempt to purport that for the last decade the Christmas number one has been not even vaguely Christmassy! Might I suggest that this year Cowl adds some sleigh bells or children’s choir to this years Christmas number one, doubtless to be Jedwood.

coldsnstuff...

In case you haven’t guessed by the changing of the leaves from green to gold, the shortening of the days and the fact that it happens every year at around this time; winter is upon us. Yes-siree the time has come to dig out your winter hat and gloves and prepare your self for the imminent attack from cold and flu viruses. No one is immune to the common cold (the average adult catches two to four colds a year.) It’s ok when you’re a child and you can rely on a day off school as well as being tended to by family who ply you with lemon and honey tea and Cowpol (yum.) But now we are ‘adults’ and have work obligations and essay deadlines to meet we do not have the luxury of being able to take a couple of days off and not just that; no one actually wants to be ill. I have done some intense scientific research and come to the conclusion that there are several different stages of illness predominant in the student-type-persons. Firstly there is the most common ‘snotty nose and cough’ stage, then the headache, the sweats, followed the highly undesirable 24 hour dihorreah and vom combo alternatively there is the hypochondriac stage (usually just a hangover.)
And so, as I’m such a gem, I decided to extend upon the Department of Health’s genius ‘Catch it, Bin it, Kill it’ campaign in order to help you lovely Bath Spa folk shun the sniffles. What follows is a thoroughly researched and some may say controversial Do’s and Don’ts guide to avoiding illness this winter (not actual medical advice!)

DO: Maintain good hygiene by regularly washing your hands with hot water and soap.

DON’T: spend your weekends hanging out at Bath’s drop in centre.
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DO: Wear appropriate clothing, wrap up warm; short skirts and knee high socks may look good but no one looks good with a hacking cough and runny nose.

DON’T: start up a new hobby of smoking in a bid to be more like style icon Dot Cotton.

DO: Get plenty of rest to help strengthen your immune system (that’s more than three hours a night)

DON’T: continually touch your eyes and mouth after travelling on public transport, handy tip; if taking the orange bus into uni make sure you wear gloves and maybe even some swimming goggles (one can never be to careful!)

DO: preserve a well balanced diet - this does not include microwave meals and domino’s pizza.

DON’T: embark on a mission to break a world record of how many naked people you can fit into an outdoor pool mid November.

I would also recommend checking out Holland and Barrett’s super BOGOF offer and if all else fails I’m afraid you’re beyond all reasonable help, I suggest bombarding your local GP with phone calls regarding the symptoms of swine flue! Happy cold season!

Venue Reviews BRIZZOL!

heeeem, so, this is another peice for the uni mag.. just some short reviews on Brizzol's best bars and clubs..so yeah.

If anyone said the night life in bath was brilliant they were lying, there are only so many times you can haunt a place before Moles becomes morose, Back to Mine becomes boring and Second Bridge becomes samey. So I suggest checking out the club and bar scene in Bristol, it’s only a £6 (and 15 minute) train ride and provides a wealth of different scenes. To begin with there are some great bars like Mr Wolfs which is a small, friendly and unique independent bar who claim to support diversity and showcase some of Bristol and beyond best acts, including Bath based Bath spa graduates Boy.Com who played there last Friday to a great crowd. Wolfs even serve delicious fresh noodles ‘till one in the morning from right behind the bar so you will never be hungry after all the dancing! Then there is Start the Bus in the heart of the centre of town another live music and DJ bar that caters for the painfully cool (and yet surprisingly friendly) kids of Bristol. Start the Bus have played host to such acts as The Filthy Dukes and Appleblim. With a great range of draft beers and cider as well as a great menu you can’t really go wrong with this quirky looking bar. In regards to clubs Bristol is home to some very popular super-clubs like Brizzol’s biggest club Syndicate (great for serious night-clubbers) and Motion skate park/club (great for the dubstep fans out there) but for those who like a smaller venue but with the same great atmosphere Theckla is a great place to start. Thekla is in fact a club on a boat which is moored in Bristol’s mud dock, so if you ever fancied raving it up pirate stylee then this is the place for you. Thekla is also a forerunner in promoting new and old artists over the summer hosting LaRoux, Esser and kissy Sell Out and many more. With two floors and a great smoking area that makes you feel like you’re on a cruse Thekla is a great night out however I would warn that if you want to see an artist in particular it is essential that you book tickets in advance (unless you want to be in a queue for an hour or so!) Thekla also has some regular club nights catering for all tastes including Hospitality; a massive drum and bass and hip hop night (first Friday of the month), Blowpop a indie night and Socialism for all you alternative dance fans (fourth Friday). So if you’re ever tempted to venture outside of the underground confines of Bath’s club scene I would strongly recommend it, a 5 seeter taxi costs around £30 which isn’t too bad split 5 ways or alternatively for all you hard core party people the first train back to bath goes at 5.30am and from personal experiences the benches outside Temple Meads just don’t compare to a nice warm bed!

October Album Reviews <3

Holla people, have been doing some writing for the uni Mag H20 and this is what i sent in (who knows if it will be used though!) have just been spending the day listening some new albums that have been relesed this month and have enjoyed myself very much, especially The XX (pic on the left) who i would strongly you check out!

Enjoy!

ARTIST: DIONNE BROMFIELD
ALBUM: INTRODUCING DIONNE BROMFIELD (Lioness records)
Kent’s Baby faced new soul singer and Amy Winehouse god-daughter and protégé Dionne Bromfield’s debut album has been eagerly awaited by the hard core bee-hive sporting Wino fans amongst us. Introducing Dionne Bromfield is a 12 track cover album and Dionne’s voice is undeniably good, however it is seems a lazy choice of material. The album includes My Boy Lollipop and mowtown super-anthem Aint no Mountain High Enough and Bromfield just doesn’t compare to the originals (who can compare to Marvin and Stevie!?) That Said Introducing Dionne Bromfield is a fun upbeat album which rightfully reclaims some classic mowtown and soul tunes into the mainstream. Mama Said, the first track release is a infections and will get you tapping your foot along, without a doubt there are big things on the horizon for this girl once she gets some new material to really show off her voice.
ARTIST: SHAKIRA
ALBUM: SHE WOLF (Sony records)
Did you know that Columbian born Shakira is the fourth richest (and surely bendiest) woman in music? Well she is and how can you not fall in love with the first track and album namesake She wolf especially with lyrics such as ‘I’m starting to feel just a little abused, like a coffee machine in an office.’ She Wolf opens with Shakira proclaiming that she is a ‘she wolf’ (albeit a bendy, hairless, leotard sporting she wolf) a funky disco bass riff like something off a CSS album, Shakira’s more modern electro tunes are a result of collaborating with producers Pharrell Williams (NERD)and John Hill who has worked with the likes of Santogold. What sets Shakira apart from the rest of the chart-pop-tarts out there is that she is odd! The album is worth a listen to even if its just to laugh at the lyrics!
ARTIST: THE XX
ALBUM: XX (The Young Turks records)
South London quartet The XX with duo male and female vocalists Romy Madley croft and Oliver smith their music has a dark emotive sound not dissimilar to the brilliant Whitest Boy Alive, fusing indie, post punk, electronic and dance with beautiful dulcet vocals. Track four on the album ‘islands’ is an achingly beautiful love song with simple yet stunning vocals proclaiming “I am yours now/ so I never have to leave/ I’ve been found out/ now I’ll never explore” Islands epitomises the brilliance of the foursome and how easy to like they are. The XX should rightfully be proud of themselves being self produced by their own synth-and-bass player Jamie Smith. The band are all graduates from London’s Elliott school who produced the likes of Mercury award winning dubstep wunderkind Burial and electro pop kings Hot Chip. With such shoes to fill one would think they would be daunted but this album is atmospheric and haunting and definitely recommended.




ARTIST: DJ TIESTO
ALBUM: KALEIDOSCOPE
I must admit I don’t know a great deal about house music but that doesn’t mean I am not happy to give it a listen, especially when I heard some of the people who have helped out Dutch House maestro DJ Tiesto. With the likes of ‘I’m like a bird’ singer Nelly Furtardo, Block Party’s Kele Okereke and even Iceland’s second most famous warbler (after Bjork, of course) Jónsi of Sigur Rós fame. With such a eclectic group of artist you would expect a slightly more varied album but it seems Tiesto has rolled all his musical mates up and cut them with a house-music cookie cutter and the tracks hardly any variation. Kaleidoscope isn’t a bad album however I imagine the next time I will listen to it will be when I hear it blaring out the speakers of a Honda civic ;)

best of all festivals?

yo homedawgs.. 

Thanks for the lovely feedback regarding the Skream gig review, and thanks to my dad for pointing out that i made several spelling mistakes :s im off to Bestival this weekend for a space themed spectacularrr (and cant ruddy wait) will write up some stuff here next week about the festival (depending on wether i can remember ay of it!) 

Peace out lovelys 

x

Ketamine? Just say neighhhhh!

Have you ever been to a club where the music is so loud that you can feel it reverberate up through your feet, where you can actually feel the bass curdle the contents of your stomach? If yes then chances are you have been to a dubstep night. Dubstep is the marmite of the music world but weather you love it or hate it; it is hard to ignore at the moment what with massively popular dubstep remixes commandeering the charts. This summer’s most frequently played tune is the ‘Let’s get ravey’ remix of LaRoux’s In For The Kill and we have 23 year old dubstep wunderkind Ollie Jones AKA Skream to thank for that. Croydon based dub maestro Skream started laying down choones from the tender age of 15 and since then has been a forerunner in the defining of the genre. Hard to describe the sound Dubstep has its metaphorical fingers in a number of musical pies including; dancehall, electronic and early 2000s UK garage. Noticeable for its brooding and heavy baseline Skream’s music has been described as ‘morbidly semi-instrumental suburban paranoia-scapes’ (WTF?) Bristol has been named as one of the homes of dubstep and considering Bath’s close proximity you would assume that there would be plenty of nights to cater for the ever hungry dubaholics, however PoNaNa’s seems to be the only venue in bath to take notice of the growing phenomenon that is dubstep. Skream’s massive popularity was evident by the enormous queue snaking its way down the street to get into Po’s before the doors were even opened. On entering the club you are transported into a Moroccan wonderland of cheap terracotta paintwork and the overpowering scent of nag champa joss-sticks (instead of the usual smell of illicit biffta smoke that usually accompanies a dubstep night.) The small main room is probably not the kind of venue that Skream is used to but he didn’t seem to care, this may have been due to the large fee that he was paid (his “driver” told me it was £1,500 for one hours work!) I have been a massive fan of Skream for a number of years and was not disappointed in magnetic live DJ set, he got the audience involved and dancing, I reckon I lost a good 5 pounds what with all the sweating and jumping. In between tracks Skream asked the sweaty just out of school audience weather anybody had ‘got any K?’ (And I don’t think he meant the special kind) Skream’s reputation for a ‘good time’ preceded him so I was not surprised by his excessive ways when it came to alcohol and the finer sex. Naively, What did surprise me was how easy it was for him to get what he wanted, drinks were bought for him and girls threw themselves at him, at one point I heard this conversation between two girls;
Girl A: ‘Maaate! I just pulled DJ Skream’
Girl B: ‘Ahhhh! Me too!!’
Needless to say even after agreeing to an interview Mr Skream wasn’t really interested in my questions (resulting in him chucking my Dictaphone across the club!) I began to wonder; to what extent do musicians and famous-type chaps owe their fans (other than allowing them to buy them beer and getting in their knickers.) when I asked Skream’s opinion on the growing popularity of Dubstep He replied ‘I love it; Money, Money, money.’ Fair enough I guess so does the fact that we as consumers are in a some respect paying celebrities wages mean we deserve anything more in return? Risking sounding like a party pooper I feel to some extent celebrities do have a duty to their fans, especially at an event where people have paid top dollar to see them. I’m not saying we have a right to know all about their private lives or their views on the political state of Darfur but simply the appreciation to the people who have got them where they are.

updatezles

Well well well..have been working hard (haha) and managed to get my first two interviews under my belt, albeit rather unsuccesful ones but interviews none the less. One with London Indie band Pull Tiger Tail and one with the dub-step genius Skream.. i havnt got round to writing them up but i will post them as soon as i have and they should make for some interesting reading!

anyways.. untill then! Lu xx

Gig Tonight..

Good Morning people...
hope you enjoyed the summer yesterday (if you got any) i was stuck in the sweltering heat at work.. no reviews or anything today but will post one as soon as i have written something new, going to a little gig tonight with my sisters so may try and get an interview with the band.. fingers crossed! :) any other suggestions for a review will be greatly appreciated!!
laterssss xxx

Margaret Atwood - Moral Disorder

Morning, Happy wednesday..hope you are well, i am in a good mood today despite my friendly workmate walking out the other day and leaving me to work with my scary polish boss untill she has been replaced! not great..

Had a wonderfull day yesterday drove from Bath to Bristol on my friends little motor boat, came second in rounders and created a new cocktail 'Lock Water' (Gin and Pepsi Max!)

Anyway todays review is another Canadian lovely, will be writing some new more current reviews soon, maybe a film or something.. remember comments are always appriciated!!

Hope you all enjoy the sun forcast for today!! Laterssss!!

Never Sentimental Meticulously Observant – Atwood triumphs again.

In the interest of complete disclosure I must admit, ashamedly, that up until a couple of months ago I didn’t know a lot about Canada’s most famous literary export Margaret Atwood. I had heard of the Handmaid’s Tale, a social critique portrayed through an unsettling dystopia, from friends who had studied it at school and I must confess it didn’t sound like my cup of tea. However I was pleasantly surprised after reading Moral Disorder Atwood’s collection of 11 short stories. These short stories, together, resemble the fragmented snapshots of a life not unlike the images captured in the dying mother’s photograph album seen in The Boys at the Lab. The majority of the stories in this collection are written in first person which gives Moral Disorder an autobiographical feel to it, the rest of the stories are narrated by Nell. One assumes after reading the blurb that all of the stories are connected and even if you didn’t read the back it is clear that each story echoes the former. The compilation starts by introducing the main character Nell who is married to Tig, the story highlights the tiny seemingly insignificant intricacies and intimacies of their marriage beautifully. Then the novel begins chronologically starting with Nell’s infancy which Atwood does not embellish, her style is realistic and this is seen through her uncertain and detached portrayal of childhood. The headless horseman reflects on Nell’s childhood relationship with her much younger sister and introduces one of the motifs throughout Moral Disorder, that of identity, this can be seen when Nell thinks to herself weather she is ‘a sister pretending to be a monster or a monster pretending to be a sister?’ The short stories trace moments of Nell’s life from childhood to her teenage years and then adulthood, there are large gaps of time between each story but I don’t think that this hinders the collection at all, if anything the omissions speak just as loudly as what has been written down by Atwood and make for even more enjoyable reading. the gaps in time allow the reader to imagine what Nell got up to in between the years of applying frozen skin cream to her face in order to help her studying to organizing a ‘crystal person’ to remove entities from her husband’s recently deceased ex-wife’s house. The gaps of time in between the stories allow the reader to flesh out the character of Nell anyway they chose which makes Moral Disorder an incredibly fulfilling read. One of my favourite aspects of this collection is the tone of the book which is that of a good humoured intelligence that made me feel as though Nell is a great friend telling stories over a coffee. Atwood’s character Nell is somewhat detached from the stories that she inhabits which enables her to be beautifully observant and witty. Although none of the premises for the short stories are revelatory; the birth of a child, affairs etc the stories are still unconventional; as a child Nell feels alienated through her intelligence, as she is older she starts a relationship with a married man and then lives on a subsistence farm in the middle of nowhere. It is these abnormalities in her life that makes her realistic. Nell’s fascination with home keeping manuals and knitting a layette for her little sister seen in the art of cooking and cleaning is replaced with the strong desire to remain rootless as she gets older. Atwood does not conjure a conventional fairytale where everything falls into place instead she exemplifies how an intelligent woman can choose to live out her life. Atwood manages to combine her writing with a multitude of intertextuality; one of the reasons that Atwood’s moral disorder is a collection of stories and not just a fragmented novel is because the majority of the short stories are about stories. The legend of sleepy hollow, Tess of the d’Urbervilles and also tales she has been told from her mother. Atwood is very aware of the process of reading and this is seen clearly in My last duchess in which Nell attempts to dissect a poem learning not only new words such as ‘verisimilitude’ (I have already forgotten what that means) but also uses the meaning of the poem as a way of understanding the anguish of her adolescence. The theme of a life’s cycles permeates this collection, of birth, growing up, growing old and dying in Moral Disorder.

Beautiful Losers - Leonard Cohen.

Morning, morning! it is Saturday and i am sat at work in the back room, the girl i work with had decided not to come in this morning so i have some time to post my first review! this is something i wrote for a uni module i took about Canadian literature.. if your interested in any way in Mr Cohen then give this one a quick read and feel free to comment...

Anyway, im off to see some firends in london tonight so have a good weekend and enjoy!

Leonard Cohen – Beautiful Losers.

Reading Beautiful Losers is like being slapped around the face by porn king Ron Jeremy whilst he recites Joyce to you in a French-Canadian accent; shocking and annoying… Me and Leonard go way back, we’ve had a somewhat difficult relationship. When I was younger my older sister was an avid fan of his music and even though I found him as easy to listen to as a three am cat fight I pretended to like him to be ‘cool.’ Fortunately enough I later on in life I realised that I could probably achieve this without the help of Mr Cohen. When I found out Cohen had published fiction I jumped at the chance to see if he was any better as a writer than he was a crooner.

I must say at first I was impressed; beautiful losers is the story of a love triangle between the nameless narrator, his wife Edith and their domineering and sexually obsessed friend (who may or may not exist) F. Beautiful losers is split into three into three sections, book one; the history of them all, the nameless one finds himself alone and hanging on to sanity after the suicide of his wife and the disappearance of his friend/lover F. The second book entitled a long letter from F is written from a facility for the criminally insane which somewhat answers for the absurdity of the first section and finally the third book, or epilogue; beautiful losers is written in the third person and describes a man running away from the police.

Leonard Cohen’s literary career precedes his singing career and beautiful losers is his second and final novel which was impressively described at its time of publication, in 1966, as one of the most radical and extraordinary works of Canadian literature ever, although on the other hand it was also described by one critic as ‘the most revolting book ever written.’ As with me and my sister it is possible to neatly split people into those who do and those who don’t like Leonard Cohen, however I would be surprised to find anyone over the age of 20 who hadn’t at least herd of him. Cohen’s distinctive music marries punk, cabaret and folk I’m sure you can find any of his 17 albums in the rock section of any good record store. Like his music Beautiful Losers also explores numerous themes; history, mythology, sexuality and fantasy.

Beautiful Losers is not a novel to read quickly as its neurotic and obsessive use of sexual imagery and obscene language can become slightly monotonous after a while (there are several pages of repeated words). The story seems to have no coherent narrative and Cohen manages to be both shocking and dull at the same time, its strangeness perhaps a reflection of the 1960s from when it was written. Cohen must be certainly be applauded for his inventive and powerful post-modern narrative techniques and there is a great irony and dark humour behind all of the sordid filth that permeates Beautiful Losers (you’ll feel like having a scrub in the shower after reading the novel.) The book creates a sense of claustrophobic intensity and is defiantly not for the faint hearted.

The female characters; Katherine Tekawitha (a native Indian Catholic nun) and Edith are not given enough attention, they are the most interesting yet the least developed characters as Cohen seems to be preoccupied with the homosexual relationship between the two male protagonists. Katherine Tekawitha’s narrative of how she became a Catholic nun after French colonisers arrive amongst her tribe is interesting enough to be made into its own story but Cohen reduces her narrative to a mere number of pages.

Beautiful Losers adamantly refuses to make any sense, as a reader I continued on in the vein hope that the next page would reveal some sort of hidden meaning but as I came to the anticlimactic last page I decided that I had either completely missed something or that the book is merely a random collection of pseudo-intellectual (potentially drug induced?) thoughts. Beautiful Losers is unfortunately both pretentious and self-satisfying and Cohen neglects to concentrate on engaging with the reader, Beautiful Losers has the potential to be an enigmatic and groundbreaking text but it misses the mark on both accounts until it resembles the ramblings of a drunken and horny teenage boy. It is at best marginally better than his music.

My Blog Virginity..

And so it begins... my very first blog, how long i will keep up with this blogging malarkey only time will tell but my intentions are good. I'm attempting to create an online cornucopia of reviews of films, books and music but knowing me and my pitiful background knowledge of all things technical these intentions are potentially naive! i must admit i am blogging for purely selfish reasons to further my chances at any job vaguely journalistic but hopefully this will be an enjoyable side project whilst i complete my final year at university. So people of the online world my first reviews will be revised projects from my second year at university including a review of a novel written by Leonard Cohen. Enjoy!